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Saturday, June 04, 2005


Just came back from 2 consecutive camps yesterday. The only break I took was when I went back home to take my stuff...Maybe you would think it's silly of me to go back to TCHSlibrary camp when I'm not even there anymore, not to mention the fact that it's [library]. But. Whatever. I'm quite resistant to changes sometimes. Maybe it's just the difference in JC life and secondary school life. Right now, I feel there's something missing between me and the whole class altogether, but I can't point out what. In the past, I had a gang to hang out with, and I looked forward to Fridays where there was the whole club down for cca. (Seriously!) Now, strangely, the only attachment I feel for the school other than the teachers are my juniors. Maybe it's because 4K has separated. I dunno.

Then again, it might be some random hu2 si1 luan4 xiang3 sparked off by the extremely boring LEP writing camp. I tell you, the only events interesting were:

1. the xiaopin competition where I actually played, for the first time, a main character. I was horrified when I got the role. But I made it through anyway. and our group got the Most Creative Group award. Yays!

2. the night where we all participated in songs and mass dances and got to see the dances of TJC and NYJC. HCJC should turn all fac dances into mass dances. It would seem better that way...

Then, I felt very out of place at the camp. Firstly, I was the only guy in my group. YET again. Then, I didn't really know a lot of people in my dorm. Only about 3 or 4 out of 14. Although the 62 girls were nice and invited me to play cards at their dorm, I felt uneasy sometimes being the only guy in a girls' dorm..wouldn't you?

However, I really enjoyed myself at the library camp. When I stepped into the library again...everything seems so familiar. I liked the sense of familiarity. Meeting all the teachers, the people. Although almost half of the club seemed stranger to me. This was because there was an increase in club membership...quite a lot too. Initially, I felt very out of place again cause the club felt so different. I dunno. I thought the it was different cause there were a lot of members...maybe. In the past we never had more than 20 people, now we have 25. I prefer it small cause it feels more....cosy. Bleagh.

But as time passed, felt better coz I still knew the other 'old people'. And the ever-so-sarcastic Jun Kai who took over my place. I think I enjoyed myself the most when I was playing bridge with Kenny, Edward and Jason. For the past half a year, I've never felt so at ease and relaxed, like I know who I'm with and I'm not pressurized. As in, I don't have to find topics to talk about to break the uneasy silence. I really let myself go and remove the mask that I have been wearing sometimes. It's great to be with the young occasionally. They're much more innocent and free of evil thoughts than some of us. Their only troubles seem to be schoolwork. Sometimes I lament why it's impossible to stay young forever...Innocence. Something you lose when you grow up. You can't help it. Something so precious and cannot be bought with money. Thanks to Edward and Kenny for promising to make me feel at home when even all the other ex-sec 4s except Eric pang-seh me (so much for everything. humph.)

Yet, there was something that disappointed me though. On the second day, where there was supposed to be an annual librarian skills test. I thought I would stay back to watch for a while. I thought I didn't have to help, since the Sec 3s were helping now. Usually it was only the Sec 4s carrying out the test. I was wrong. Only 1 out of 5 Sec 4s were present to help. And that was the chairman. It was extremely difficult for 4 people (3 Sec 3s) to test 20 people especially when we can only take at most 1 or 2 people each time and yet have to finish everything within 1 hour plus. So I helped out lor. Simply disgusted with the absent Sec 4s. About half the committee are Sec 4s lah.

Just read Junli's blog. Reading his blog sparks off some thoughts occasionally. In case you didn't know, Junli is the DJ hosting the 933 morning shift. Society is so realistic, it hurts. When you become too popular for a part-timer, you are shifted everywhere just so that you can help to boost ratings. And when you fail to boost the morning shift ratings, a very good programme called RA music (sampling of new music albums, listen to parts of every song in the album) gets scraped.

It's all too familiar, when you put in effort to do something and in the end you don't get recognised for it. Maybe there isn't a need for recognition sometimes, but it's horrid when you are only recognised for your mistakes and failures.

jam scribbled at 8:44 AM

6 comments

6 Comments:

thanks =) still cant forget ur jack and the beanstalk -_-

Blogger iCe pigged out at 9:54 AM  

阿超!傻仔超!haha u were veh gd ok, when i slapped u the audience were going "!!!" hahaz keep it up~~ btw, i went to the girls dorm with u lorZ~and how can sharing a room with me NOT be interesting...

Blogger blueutopia pigged out at 3:49 PM  

it's okKKK... u taill have ur yinghuI;p

Anonymous Anonymous pigged out at 5:31 PM  

oI!!!! !@#$%^

Blogger iCe pigged out at 8:11 PM  

teehee.. any progress so far? i really thikn she's interested in u.. or rather, WE really think so.. have confidence in urself.. you3 ren2 xi3 huan1, bu4 hao3 meh? ;)

Anonymous Anonymous pigged out at 9:32 PM  

waaa...dun talk rubbish lar...im not interested anyway. and none of my group members kept in touch.

Blogger iCe pigged out at 2:27 PM  

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