formulae: hop + e

Thursday, February 17, 2005

i feel really guilty now. and very bad. the impact of realization hit me in the face during PW today.(actually was yesterday night but i didnt have enough time left to do anything about it. then it came back to me again during PW) and i was itching to throw everything out. that's why i went home immediately after econs tutorial today and started typing this.

i haven't been a good enough friend. i talk about friendships deteriorating and here i am not making an effort to sustain it. i promise i shall remember all my good friends in tchs and continue to send them birthday greetings on their birthdays. last time gave presents but a bit difficult for those in different jcs. sigh. why cant all my good friends concentrate in one jc? with me of course. because life is unfair. and there will always come a time when people say their goodbyes. that's why i have my new class now. but sometimes i realise it is really so easy to neglect your good friends, especially when they're in different jcs. those who have made my life easier (maybe without knowing it themselves), those who have helped me academically/mentally to come to where i am now. (HCI) i was getting like L1R5 of 14 during common tests but luckily managed to scrape through prelimns and get into HC with a 10.
(not in order of....merit?)

qiyuan
xiuming
jingren
yuzhong
sengkiak
zelun
duojie
benteo(in the last few months of tchs...lol)

thanks all of you. if i did not reply nicely to you, ignored you (i never delete or block any 4K-ers and never will) on msn, please pardon me. i might be really rushing an assignment, feel reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally down on that day (cause normally i am a very optimistic person, though DJ thinks otherwise =P). i shall try to visit all of your blogs consistently(those who have) because i think it is a good way to keep in contact. like, you understand the person better even though you are not talking to him/her. in this case, him(s).

i feel guilty because yesterday night i just read in detail one of my friends' blog. sometimes i read parts of it or just go to tag. i realised, upon reading, that actually i havent --i forgot the word all of a sudden--(fulfilled?) my responsibility as a friend. he has problems of his own and actually mentioned it briefly to me (just touch and go) while we were having a heart-to-heart chat on MSN. i feel really bad because i didnt really take him very seriously then. maybe it was because my impression of him was that he was always quite crappy, very funny and cold. so i didnt really know when he was serious and when he wasnt. i suppose all the 'crappiness', 'funniness' and lameness was just a front. or maybe not. i dont know. sometimes i really wish i could read into others' minds. thats why i aspire to study psychology, besides working in the chinese media world. (prefably a DJ. not duojie.) i remember that he was one of my first good friends in 3K. he led me to know the rest of the 'gang' and mix around with them. he made me feel welcome to a class filled mostly by 2J-ers. and my upper sec class 3K4K then showed me what class unity really was. showed me how my lower sec class 1B2K(both the same class) proved quite inferior and disintegrated compared to upper sec.

im not saying that my 1B2K classmates are inferior. just the class unity part. i mean, i still talk to some of them. just that the other some are like strangers. we dont even say hi. it is really very sad.

if you are by any chance reading this.

sorry, xiuming.